I know that this blog is called ‘The Positivity Mum’ but i’m not positive all the time, i’m human. I do try my best to think on the positive side but sometimes life has its challenges or the Children are being a challenge. In my case Friday it was the Children.
Being a single mum is not at all easy, its better than being upset like I was in my last relationship but its hard to be doing two parents roles all the time. I guess I am exhausted after the Summer Holidays.
I’m the only one doing everything for the Children,
It’s only me sorting the Children in the night if they are too hot, too cold, wake up crying or thirsty.
It’s only me getting them up in the morning, in my case being woken up by the Children daily.
It’s only me getting the Children breakfast, tidying & washing up
It’s only me making sure their uniform or day clothes are washed, dried and ready for the next day
It’s only me who makes sure that they have uniform that fit, clothes that fit
It’s only me who gets the Children dressed or making them get ready
It’s only me taking them to school, making sure they have their sandwiches, pe kit & anything else that they need
It’s only me that makes sure we have food in the house, petrol in the car, bins out on bin day
It’s only me that picks the Children up from School, talks to the teachers and makes sure everything is ok
It’s only me who gets the Children tea, baths them and gets them ready for bed.
Obviously this is only a short version of exactly what I do on my own, the pressure is on as I have 4 precious people to look after on a daily basis.
The truth is I try my best and Friday I felt it was not good enough, even though I do so much for one mum as four children aged 7,5,3 & 1 are not easy.
I am finding the struggle of getting my 5 year old son dressed in the morning a huge problem, to the point we are late for school, by 5 mins max but still late. Callum likes clothes being tight, he rolls up his trousers, likes to wear age 4 even though it is small on the length.
As it was a new year at school i bought new trousers and they were aged 5, they were not tight enough for Callum, he wanted his old trousers. This morning as I was trying to get his trousers on he ran to my room and I had to drag him downstairs kicking and screaming, holding onto the banister and I was not strong enough to pull him off, I felt powerless. My Children were not listening to me and not respecting me.
I cried on the way to school as I was really upset, I try my best to be on time but with Callums paddy I was going to be late.
The school have started a sign in for Children that are late which made me anxious and stressed. Unfortunately I live 15 minutes drive away and have been late three times this week, by 5 minutes. We just missed the gate shutting and when I walked in to school the new receptionist said can you sign the book. Well I was fuming, not with her with myself as I put myself down, why can’t I be on time , why can’t my Children listen to me & why am I single and doing this alone?
Signing that book to me brought negativity my way, I felt like I was signing the ‘you are a crap mum book’ well it was the last straw I cried at school. I always put on a brave face but deep down I am struggling. Struggling at doing everything, looking after children, tidying a house, working on a business, not having support at home, not having time off as the Children’s dad is useless. I did speak to the headteacher later in the day as she asked me to come in to help me so we have something lined up for the Children. She was very understanding of my situation and knows I try my best.
Its so hard as I want to enjoy the Children now because they are growing so fast, not stressing about having to do it all. I know the struggles are going to make me stronger but at the moment I am just experiences them.
I won’t be single forever but I will always be the best mum I can be even if I get upset now and again. I just want to share that my life isn’t all rosy but we have to find the positive in even hard situations.